love
when my heart is broken,
i can't eat.
i can't sleep.
i cry at anything.
i get angry easily.
getting through a day takes a lifetime.
whenever i think about my love i can barely breathe which is all the time.
and then, one day, i am okay.
the acceptance has come.
hope is restored.
but, imagine feeling like this all the time....
i can not. i have been heartbroken a few times in my life and though they were great "learning" experiences i would never wish the pain on anyone.
i am comparing the feeling of being broken hearted to some of the experiences i have had here lately. it is difficult for me to write about it because i have a love for kurdistan and the kurds. but......yesterday i walked through trash to find people looking for food, for money, for things to sell. women, children, and men. i walked over a little hill and there was the dirtiest pond you've ever seen with dogs lounging about. cooler, i guess. they stared at me from their space. there were also puppies. little tiny happy puppies amongst all the trash. i love the dogs here. they are an interesting looking breed. but, i tend to get a little involved. the other day i saw a kid pretending to kick a dog that was tied up. not thinking i marched right over and asked him if he would like me to kick him. there was a bit of a crowd and my voice cracked and i am sure they wondered who the crazy american lady was. i talked/yelled about respect. how could you respect yourself if you disrespected other beings? even a dog. i think some peshmerge were amused as one decided to translate for me.
though this country is beautiful and much better than most parts of iraq the are things that are missing from an every day life. fundamentals such as electricity and water. when we stayed with friends we began to know the schedule of when there would be "national" electricity and local electricity. we got used to it yes, but, because we had to. i want you all to imagine in the middle of your hot summer what it would be like without electricity. no air conditioning, no refrigerator, no hot water, no washer and dryer........god, it really started to piss me off. maybe for a moment you can picture the break down in a society simply because there is no electricity. but wait, there are some who have it all the time. yeah, there is a way for everyone in this country to have light. oh and btw: just because i stay in a hotel doesn't mean the electricity doesn't go off here. but, they have generators. it's a must. no business without.
but the thing that is missing the most: love
yesterday a woman told us that kurds love romance movies because there is a lack of love in their society. titanic is a favorite. but, that being said, she is a woman who was divorced because her husband chose to be. she now works for an organization trying to build a future for younger generations. she says she has no hope for herself (she is only 30) but maybe for her daughter's generation. she feels sorry for the younger kids because they are not allowed to fall in love. to have the freedom to be together. it is still not a society that completely allows this. i can not imagine my life without all the experiences i have been allowed to have. falling in love being one of the greatest gifts ever. being free to choose. being free to just love.
i have a belief that love is the opposite of fear.
today, i choose love...
below are photographs of us with rasha's grandmother from mosul who made us the best lunch ever. she said she didn't like americans until she met us.....and then, of course, children.....pure
i can't eat.
i can't sleep.
i cry at anything.
i get angry easily.
getting through a day takes a lifetime.
whenever i think about my love i can barely breathe which is all the time.
and then, one day, i am okay.
the acceptance has come.
hope is restored.
but, imagine feeling like this all the time....
i can not. i have been heartbroken a few times in my life and though they were great "learning" experiences i would never wish the pain on anyone.
i am comparing the feeling of being broken hearted to some of the experiences i have had here lately. it is difficult for me to write about it because i have a love for kurdistan and the kurds. but......yesterday i walked through trash to find people looking for food, for money, for things to sell. women, children, and men. i walked over a little hill and there was the dirtiest pond you've ever seen with dogs lounging about. cooler, i guess. they stared at me from their space. there were also puppies. little tiny happy puppies amongst all the trash. i love the dogs here. they are an interesting looking breed. but, i tend to get a little involved. the other day i saw a kid pretending to kick a dog that was tied up. not thinking i marched right over and asked him if he would like me to kick him. there was a bit of a crowd and my voice cracked and i am sure they wondered who the crazy american lady was. i talked/yelled about respect. how could you respect yourself if you disrespected other beings? even a dog. i think some peshmerge were amused as one decided to translate for me.
though this country is beautiful and much better than most parts of iraq the are things that are missing from an every day life. fundamentals such as electricity and water. when we stayed with friends we began to know the schedule of when there would be "national" electricity and local electricity. we got used to it yes, but, because we had to. i want you all to imagine in the middle of your hot summer what it would be like without electricity. no air conditioning, no refrigerator, no hot water, no washer and dryer........god, it really started to piss me off. maybe for a moment you can picture the break down in a society simply because there is no electricity. but wait, there are some who have it all the time. yeah, there is a way for everyone in this country to have light. oh and btw: just because i stay in a hotel doesn't mean the electricity doesn't go off here. but, they have generators. it's a must. no business without.
but the thing that is missing the most: love
yesterday a woman told us that kurds love romance movies because there is a lack of love in their society. titanic is a favorite. but, that being said, she is a woman who was divorced because her husband chose to be. she now works for an organization trying to build a future for younger generations. she says she has no hope for herself (she is only 30) but maybe for her daughter's generation. she feels sorry for the younger kids because they are not allowed to fall in love. to have the freedom to be together. it is still not a society that completely allows this. i can not imagine my life without all the experiences i have been allowed to have. falling in love being one of the greatest gifts ever. being free to choose. being free to just love.
i have a belief that love is the opposite of fear.
today, i choose love...
below are photographs of us with rasha's grandmother from mosul who made us the best lunch ever. she said she didn't like americans until she met us.....and then, of course, children.....pure
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