On Being a Dad for The First Time
There are fairly recent statistics available concerning the median age when men and women are having children. In 2010, this has risen to 33.1 years for men and 28.9 years for women. The Huffington Post reports that there is a new fad now, where some new dads are having "bachelor-dad parties" to mark the impending birth of their children. You will think that because of the rise in the child bearing age, they would be greater prepared to have kids. Unfortunately, this is not usually the case and many of them are caught up in the euphoria, fears, and nervousness of this event. An occurrence that they would have had at least nine months or even longer for which to plan for junior's arrival.
How must dads deal with these situations?
Regardless if a couple is married, there will be problems with which to contend. Married couples are not immune to these. Some may argue that if the couple is married it will make the situation easier. That however, may not be exactly so. We often hear stories of women who do not wish to have babies nor children. Some dads may become upset at this prospect while others may support and encourage them to put him up for adoption or have an abortion. Let us assume that the couple does decide to keep their children, that does not mean that they will not be other concerns and fears.
One important question is how will they manage to support junior? Let us assume that they are financially secured like some couples and both of them have jobs, it means that some time during the pregnancy and afterwards either the woman or the man will have to stay home with the child. It generally happens that this responsibility falls to the woman. There are challenges of seeing the pregnancy through to fruition. To differing degrees with pregnancies, many women's health is compromised. We have heard of the usual morning sickness. Some women see their doctor and are advised that they should be on total bed rest. But even if these scenarios were not the case and they are lucky to have a more normal pregnancy, there still may be some difficulties. Some women as their embryos develop put on much weight. It is for the new fathers to continue to love them although their once alluring figure is changing before their eyes.
Dads must be understanding. Often wives may become irritable. Their back aches, feet swell, and are known to have mood swings. A father has to be prepared to be at their beck and call. He has to be part of the arrangement when a woman considers going to child birth classes and be an active participant in giving her support. He must hold her hand, encourage her when she is tired and assure her that everything will work out fine. They must be able to anticipate what joy such a child will bring them and remind themselves that there will be work in nurturing him.
What are some fears and challenges of fathers?
Many fathers have to be sure that they feel secure during this process. For one thing, they have their wives as companions and they should work together as a team. Much insight can be gained by him along with his wive by reading the literature about childbirth and raising children. Socialize with other parents that are having similar experiences and listen to their stories. Despite these things, some dads continue to wonder if they will be able to live up to expectations of this impending reality. How will they handle all these things that are coming so rapidly at them? The best advice is to try to remain calm. Be collective. Many men are gripped with paternal fears. Some may even worry if they will live long enough to take care of their children. Others may say that it is all in God's hands and that He will see them through. Fathers have to realize that they do not have control over everything that happens in their life. They just have to do their best under such circumstances.
Your fears may be projected to your partner, the baby, and what your relationship will be like after birth. Some men feel that their wives will care less about them, for she will be busy with her bundle of joy. Such feelings they should both talk about. It is always good to have an open discussion about these things that will tend to impact your marriage. Such a relationship, a couple must realize is not all fun and games but takes work.
Junior comes into the world and how to care for him
Many fathers at child bearing classes become part of the team in the delivery room. They know the expected date of the baby's delivery. Before hand, they have had a sonogram which they hang proudly on their refrigerator. Depending on the obstetrician, a determination is made concerning if the baby has to be delivered naturally or through a cesarean birth. But if it is a natural childbirth, some fathers are prepared to help their wives with their breathing exercises and by comforting her under these circumstances.
Once there is adequate dilation and junior is pushed and guided out of his mother's birth canal into the world, his umbilical cord cut, there is often joy and much merriment especially if there are no complications. The first thing a couple does with junior is to bond. They look him over carefully, marvel at the miracle and good luck that has befallen them. I remembered my experience when I felt as though it was literally Christmas in August, on the month my son's birth. Having a child of your own is an extraordinary gift.
When discharged from the hospital, there are some things that should fall naturally in place. As a father you are prepared like the mother to take care of your child. A good idea is always to wash your hands before handling him or use sanitizers. As you pick up your child be sure to support his head and neck. At no time should you attempt to shake or bounce him up or down. He is not ready for rough play and is delicate. If you have to make trips be sure that you are familiar with the proper way to use a stroller, carrier, or baby seat. Many DMV booklets have instructions for travelling with such young children in a car. Your baby has to be in the back seat of your vehicle.
A father has to support his wife in learning more ways to take care of junior. He has to know to change diapers, be informed about the basics of giving him a bath or sponging him. A decision has to be made concerning if he is going to be circumcised. Some couples may do, while others see the procedure as something they will rather not put their child through.
Umbilical cord care is vital to know and so are details about feeding and burping. New fathers and their wives should never forget about the sleeping patterns of their child at this young age. Many parents find these demands taxing, since they will be unable to get a good night's sleep. But it is good to remember that this only happens for a few weeks before junior begins sleeping through the night. Some worry about sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). These are all issues which by now you would have discussed with your pre -natal specialist, in childbirth classes, and friends. Some further guidance can be obtained by Googling : "First Time Father - A Beginner's Note," and "When Does Fatherhood Begin?"
