A family member's last days may seem to be a private thing, but the subject of such is something that we all have to go through at some point in our lives. Being across the country from her for the last 8 years, has meant that I have not seen her as much. Living with an emotionally abusive ex-husband means that I did not talk to her as much. And I was surprised as I came out of my own drama, to find that she had gotten old. 

I don't mean in age.. My children and I were blessed with the gift of a trip to see my family in IL for the Christmas of 2009. The sight of my grandmother, frail and bent over, took me aback. The muscles in her face showed signs of damage, and her smile was not quite the same. Her intelligence was there though. We had a fabulous visit. 

That is who my grandmother is to me. That intelligent person who is already to discuss and debate society and government.. to talk about cultures around the world.. to discuss research in just about any field! She was always quick to share the magazine, journal, and newspaper articles that she thought might interest you. And quick to want to discuss them with you too!

She was a strong woman who wanted nothing but the best for her family, and was absolutely certain that she knew best what you needed to be doing. Move over Father Knows Best.. Grandmom is taking over!

Talking to her over the last year has been difficult at times. She was constantly forgetting what you had told her last week. I was patient with it, knowing that it was common in old age. And I did not mind having the opportunity to discuss the same matters with her.

It was last November when it really hit me though. She didn't call me for my birthday, my 40th birthday! Worse than that though, I had to remind her that the next day was her son's birthday. I knew things were ending at that point. I knew that old age was getting the better of her. 

November, December, and January were riddled with phone calls of hospital trips, medication reactions, and forgotten memories.. 

Now as she lies in her bed, body failing, her mind having some lucid moments.. I realize that the sorrow I feel is for the loss of the woman I grew up with. I mourn the intelligent debates and discussions that she and I have always shared.. The body is just a shell, and hers is suffering. I am ready to let her body go.. 

Update:

My grandmother left this earth on March 11, 2011. She was well loved, and is sorely missed. She is at peace and no longer suffering, and for that we are all grateful.